just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
