I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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