would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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