two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize