I wanna passion pit in your ass
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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