College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
