I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
