Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I need moral support for this bender
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
