I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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