i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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