I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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