I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
