i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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