Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
