My nipple is on Facebook.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
