I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
