I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
