You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
