At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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