you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize