winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You ruined the universe
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
