I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
