the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
