I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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