the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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