Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
