why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
