There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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