I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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