My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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