I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
