his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
