Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
