i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
