I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
