genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
