Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
