4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
