i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
