Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
