i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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