i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
