i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
