The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
