well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So many bounce houses so little time
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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