So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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