He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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