i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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