the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize