mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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