we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
