covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
jump out the window naked night went bad
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