So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
