She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
