and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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