I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
