Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
