so explain again why im purple
no
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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