The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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